Listening: The Secret to Great Leadership

May 23, 2012

At a recent conference, I met Paul, the founder of a global networking group that attracts highly-successful CEOs. When he asked if we could meet to talk about my company, I eagerly agreed. 

Over lunch in the hotel restaurant, Paul asked, “So, what’s your business?”

I began to answer his question, but he quickly cut me off and asked, “Have I shown you the chart yet?” He spent the next five minutes drawing out two graphs that demonstrated how to get funding for my company. I was skeptical. After all, he didn’t know anything about my business. But his reputation was impressive, so I kept listening.

“Do you know ______?” he asked, naming a very successful author.

 “Yep,” I said. “She’s great!”

 “Go check out her testimonial on my website,” he said. “Now, we need to get you on the radio. You need dozens of books, maybe even a TV show. You’re young and pretty now, so now’s the time.”

My gut said, Run. And so I did, regardless of his reputation. I wanted nothing to do with an organization whose leader is too focused on furthering his own interests to listen and learn about a potential client.

According to the International Listening Association, most of us are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful about 75 percent of the time we should be listening. And that’s a problem, because more than 35 studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business. 

 

Listening is not only important for sales and recruitment; it’s also an essential leadership skill. Just as Paul would have kept my attention by listening, you can keep your employees interested and engaged by giving them a chance to be heard. Here’s how:

 

1. Zip it. Ask the question you want answered, and then focus on what they have to say. It can be hard not to interrupt, but doing so keeps you from getting the information you need … and can make your employees feel disrespected and frustrated. If you feel compelled to butt in, try this trick one of my mentors taught me: Lean in, put your hand on your chin, and use your index finger to cover your lips.
2. Repeat it. After they finish speaking, take the opportunity to clarify, eliminate the potential for misunderstandings, and ensure that they feel heard by repeating your interpretation of what was said. Try this: “What I’m hearing you say is______. Did I get it? Is there more?”
3. Validate it. Once you feel confident that you get the point, finish with, “What makes sense about what you’re saying is___.”

 

Just watch what happens to the way others listen to you when you begin listening to them. 

 

Keeping it simple,

Misti Burmeister, best-selling author of From Boomers to Bloggers: Success Strategies Across Generations and Hidden Heroes

 

 

 

8 comments
Sandra King on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 08:05 AM Misti, Great article! I believe that listening is a skill that is extremely important in today`s business world. And it is not always the spoken work - it is the "implied" or you have to "read between the lines". Thanks for all that you do! Sandy
Carolyn Martin on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 08:13 AM An important reminder, Misti, that listening is key to any relationship: business, friends, family, whatever. Thanks!
Misti Burmeister on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 11:01 AM Thank you for your comment, Sandy! I`m wondering - how do you know someone is listening to you?
Misti Burmeister on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 11:03 AM Thank you for commenting, Carolyn! I wonder how some people get so good at listening - what do you think - how do you practice?
Sandra King on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 11:26 AM How do you know that "they" are listening to you? My perspective is as follows: Person to Person: • Eye Contact o Are their eyes focused on you? o Are they looking around, at the ground – probably not listening • Body Language o Are their shoulders facing you? o Are they sitting up engaged or slumping? o Are they tapping their fingers or feet – a sign of boredom. I believe it is difficult to tell if someone is listening to you over the phone. Of course, the sound of typing in the background is a key that they are not listening. Also, if you have to repeat points more than once, the individual is probably distracted and not listening. If they are listening, they will ask more pointed and open ended questions and will have more emotion in their voice. Sandy
Misti Burmeister on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 12:26 PM Yesterday I learned that some people, who look at the ground when you`re talking, are actually listening intently - they look down to remove the visual distraction. What do you think about this idea?
Carolyn Martin on Thu, 24 May 2012 at 12:35 PM Interesting point, Misti. When I was a new workshop leader, I was taken aback when a woman in the back row sat there knitting. The nerve! I thought. Then I learned that was her way of staying focused on what I was saying. Different strategies to get the same result! On the personal front, because I`m an introvert, I can`t take credit for the natural tendency to listen more than speak. While I`m a writer who loves words, sometimes they don`t come so easily orally. So, I sit back and listen. The flipside is when I do speak, sometimes I rush into comments without thinking them out. Two feet in one mouth! I`ve had to consciously practice zipping my lips, focusing on the speaker, and breathing before responding.
Misti Burmeister on Fri, 25 May 2012 at 12:51 PM Haha! Yeah, I`ve had the same experience of taking to someone (be it on stage or one-on-one) who has to do something with their hands, or can`t look me in the eye when I`m talking. I suppose that what`s most important is that we`re sharing our passions when we speak and listening intently when others are sharing. Those who want to hear what we have to say will listen in their own way. Thank you, Carolyn!
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